Affirmation

Last Sunday (04/06/06), I found out some things from my old fren.

My FIRST affirmation IN MY F A C E.

But well, I've learnt another valuable lesson. Sometimes, you need not have concrete evidence for yourself to act. Cos its just so hard to prove sometimes (esp. when the other party's been meaning to hide) but trust your gut feelings that has been nudging you on and off instead. Don't wave the signs away - like me T.T

I had finally "found" wat I was looking for. He did attempt (attempts? xD)to stray.
And most likely, he did stray on several occasions while feeding me with lies, false declarations & misleads.

So hell, I was "supposed" to feel remorseful for asking after an opposite sex whether he had had his meal or not on da net (and he's not even living in S'pore at that!?! =.='') This is just the Chinese way of asking after another person. What's the great big deal and wat rights do YOU hv to make a fuss over?

I comprehend now that you are most prolly 心虚. And you were afraid I might do the same to you. Hence you check my handphone consistently, recorded down all my numbers and frens in my phone, check my messages. At the same time, you spoke bad about other philanderers and telling me that I was the ONLY girl you would go for. That it was silly to stray and that you were the most afraid of sexual disease, so how wld u do that right? You even told me of your buddies, how they tried to get you to go into the red-light district but you wldnt cos you were "Mr Nice Guy". You told me of your fren in our early days of marriage who had "one love but many needs". You "disapprove" of him before me. While working at the same company, you even "lay the foundation" by telling me that there was this particular girl who was just being too "friendly" with you and that you were afraid my colleagues wld come tell me that you had "something" with her, cos they went to the same training arena with you.

Once, I found a piece of condom in your wallet (we dun use that for our contraceptive practice). I asked you for an explanation, you just told me it happened to be there. That it was totally nothing about it.

Affirmation. Wasnt that wat I wanted? :( I guess, I just needed to know the truth. My mind would not let my gut have its say cos it thinks this way: "innocent unless proven guilty". Perhaps even my heart is in denial too? Though a fren told me, isnt his lack of job bad enuff for you to leave him?

Yea, and his promises-breaking, lying, procrastination...

Well, dat day,

I had 100% seen his true colors.

Perhaps that was wat I really wanted: to see a man whom I had once acknowledged "husband" in his true colors, not wat he proclaim himself to be.

All the lies you've told, YOU LIAR

---

Bananarama - I Heard A Rumour



Who needs friends who never show
I'll tell you what you wanna know
I could have saved a broken heart
If I'd found out long ago

Chorus 1:
I'm just thinking about
Those lonely nights
When I waited for your call
'Til I found out
All my friends were right, ooh, ooh
I didn't know you at all

Chorus 2:
I heard a rumour
Ooh, ooh, I heard a rumour
They say you got a broken heart
I heard a rumour
Ooh, ooh, yes I did, boy
I heard a rumour, ooh

Now it seems they're telling me
You've changed your wicked ways
But should I give you a second chance
Baby, I'm too afraid

So you realize what hurt you made
And the love you threw away
How can I forgive or soon forget
It's never gonna be the same

(repeat chorus 2 twice)

(repeat chorus 1)

(repeat chorus 2, 3 times to fade)