Marriage, Sex, Relationships

Yesterday, I lit a shocking pink colored candle in my room. It was one of those candles in engraved glass with those antique-looking metal cover. I had gotten this during my Primary school days. It was my baobei but I had burnt it all in one night. Frangrance filled the air... yea for that one night which lasted till early this morning...





I was smsing a young friend last night. She was telling me she felt like a les when she went hugging all her girlfriends on Valentine's day. Her friends gave her dares somemore. Told her to say "I love you" to me on phone & go propose to 3 girls which includes meh =.='' Well, it's not dat she dislike it anyway... I think she's just enjoying all da attention. But poor gal, I sup this is better than da emptiness she felt when at home. If it's nothing harmful, so be it. =)

Haha, then she asked me, "You wouldn't think I les right? Cos if it were you, you wld also dare to hug right?" Yea... no big deal. It's just hugging. I sup church frds hug ea other as well. Though I dun hv this practice, I dun see how hugging a same gender will turn you into les overnight. I told her, "I still long for guys k? Here I am in this wonderful candle-lit room with no lover to embrace. T.T"

I hvnt told many online frds abt my case. Not many knows dat I've been married. Definitely not this young frd. Not many still would noe that I've been living separately from him since 28 Oct 05. I'm still on contraceptive pills. *luffs* Shd I stop? Afterall, it's sup not to be so good for your womb. But I wonder if I could monitor my menses this way and as wif routine, once it's set, it takes time to adjust if otherwise. I dun want another adjustment to cope wif with my current confusion & determination to get myself on track now. So I guess, I'll still be on da pills. Not dat I wish to hv anything explosive happening wif my husband (or ex-husband-to-be for dat matter) or any other guys. I dun want just any guys. Reading the news or mag, you simply see so many sickening relationships resulting in murders, suicides or heartbreaks. Well, you get more juicy stuffs fr the mag... but I dun see why I shd subject myself to these ill-treatments. If any of those described scenarios in da mag were to happen to me, I wld just leave my man. Though to clear the air here, I'm not leaving my husband due to 3rd party or watever flirtatious behaviour I cldnt condone, it's not due to those. It's another long story dat perhaps I wld update in future. Hmm.. but even if he did, wld I be xtra grieved? In this society now, it's hard to say who wouldn't do anything. If he has this habit of lying, I sup anything else cld go. Update me so dat I wld see more reasons not to hv anything to do wif him (as if current reasons are not enuff =.='')

As I bathe myself yesterday, I looked at my curves in da mirror. Those breasts, those legs... kinda a waste hving em all for myself to enjoy (if it is of any enjoyment at all xD) I still make heads turn but one thing I can't stress enough is dat I am no loose woman. I hvnt been out on any dates. I wasn't prepared to last year. Wld I be changing my mind this year? I hvnt finalize my divorce though. But I see myself opening up more to the idea... yea, just da idea xD, of perhaps making friends & then wld it lead on to another relationship? Isn't this all too soon? Gosh! Anyway, none of this wld happen at all if I go on talking to myself silly here!

Geez, I dunno if this is just hormones or wat but I do miss making out, kissing & all dat hugs. I'd like to feel them all again. But not just wif anybody...

Taste my lips & me
as we smooch
Inhale me
as I feel you
& your intensity...

Into silly poem-making these days :S

Well anyway, if you wanna just do it wif anyone, I guess it's really kinda easy. There r so many horny freaks out there online. Just pass your no to em & the deal's fixed. Else go clubbing & rub against someone & drop da hints. :S Geez, it's really not me... I dun even noe em! LOL. I wasn't even on a date (it's called a catch-up meet) & this colleague dat I met up with was kinda touchy. I nvr replied his sms since rofl.

I had added this link Single In Dallas because that blog really tickles me pink. Dat guy's not into settling down (as yet, or so he proclaims) but he's got all his shots into the process of procreation, wild fantasies & even phone s**! OMG! Fone s**!! I wonder how wld it be like?? But wat if... you get yourself being taped down & blackmailed? Yikes!! Nice insightful blog to read. Guess this opens up a typical brain of how a guy is wired? (wld he think I'm insulting him by saying typical?) I like the way how he blogs so candidly abt wat he thinks & how he feels though.

A Little Bit of Something abt Meh

I do feel horny at times... (yes I do xD) And I'm not one of those girls dat gets jealous if my guy were to turn to look at a head-turner (in fact, I wld most prolly join him as I appreciate female beauty too!) I dun mind playing nurse to my guy (as in u noe... *luffs*) I...

Well, the thing dat irks me most is lying to me. I can't accept that. When I ask a question, I expect a reasonable respond. Don't try to put me off by lying or the best tactic still, no response. I give chances & I do believe things can evolve into something better if we put our hearts in, but that doesn't mean I dun hv my limits & will turn a blind eye forever. I will call things quit just as u least expect it and I hv. Goodbye my dear exhubby-to-be...

Parting Message

And geez, are there any good guys left in this small city at all? Save one for me pls. (do i desire one now? do i? do i?)

"Depth and honesty tend to continue until it is
interrupted by ego or misunderstanding."

Act blur: huh? wat? who? where?

*miserable* I really dunno...