星期二早上，我又梦见了你...

I dreamt of my ehtb again today :S

Dunno whether it is due to the effects of me re-telling my story to another counsellor yesterday with the updated fact that he might hv been unfaithful to me, cos this was how my dream went:

We were in a dimly-lit house (like a four/five room flat or something). It seemed that our marriage was already not going on well. We couldn't care less about ea other. The maid was there somehow but our child was not in this dream. It seemed that I had just gotten wind of you having other relationships with other girls (a few others at one go! One of your girlfriends was in the house too. She came right up to our house looking for you.) and there was this girl call "Nicoltt" on the phone wif u or something. While you were on da phone, the maid and I went to answer a doorbell. It turned out to be a guy friend that I had known and I chatted happily with him for a short while. He was just a normal friend though. But as soon as you had put down your call and I had just sent him off at the doorway, you came furiously to me demanding to know my friend's whereabt and even checking beneathe the bed in a bedroom to see if my friend was there. I felt disgusted and incredulous because I had done nothing wrong and the fact was that you were unfaithful before me, what grounds do you have to check upon me instead???

As I left the house walking down the stairs and through the corridor, I saw my maid attending to your other girlfriend who came by just now. She was in a white bath tub crying. She was very upset to discover that you had other girlfriend/s. I told my maid that it's okay and that I would settle this girlfriend myself and that she could return back to her household chores. I felt no blame towards this young girl at all but felt pity for her instead. I carried her up like how the prince carried his Snow White and we headed towards the bus stop. It was as if she needed some comfort and made no resistance. Then, she wanted me to help her with something (I cant rmb) which I thought was out of my league cos I had already been so benevolent as to want to see her home safely.

Then I woke up but went off to sleep again in hope of a better dream to erase off the effects of this bad dream. :S

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My counsellor said: "You've got to take his words with a pinch of salt. His words have been weighing down on you & its affecting you. Nobody can be the perfect mother. There is no yardstick to measure if this is the right way to parent. He has his way of parenting and you have yours. You will only be stressing your ownself if you try to handle everything at one go. Do not feel guilty if you need a break. The wrong conception that most single parent have is to place the child first. You need to take care of yourself first so that you can shoulder the load of taking care of your whole family. Your sanity is very important here!"