Guilty of Lifting & Pasting

Well, some joke articles I saw that are of interest to me & hopefully to you.

They're not mine but hey hey! I'm only helping the jokes to gain fame ok? xD

Here they are:


Monday, February 13, 2006

The Perfect Casual Encounter

It’s been more than a month since your last boyfriend called you. Depressed and lonely, you say to yourself, “Why do I bother?” Then an idea strikes you late one night, while reading the Newspaper Ads. On a lark, you call in an ad on the LA times, just to see what the response would be. You check your email and, to your surprise, realize your mailbox has over 100 responses. After rejecting most of crazies, you find one that actually seems pretty decent. A sexy blend of Brad Pitt and Antonio Banderas, he captures your attention. So you email him back, chatting flirtatiously, until you both agree on a time to meet for a drink later this week at a nice bar/restaurant nearby.

The day arrives, and you look fabulous. He is even better looking in person. You hit it off immediately, moving effortlessly through small talk, where you grew up, favorite music and sports, and onto philosophical discussions. He makes you laugh and you flirt shamelessly. You’re tempted to sleep with him, but you’re not sure yet. You want to see how good a kisser he is. Then, you look at your watch and realize that it’s after midnight. He walks you to your car and you stand together talking in the parking lot for another 30 minutes, not wanting the date to end. He leans in and gives you a tender, sweet kiss with no tongue, making you melt. Then he kisses you again and builds up to French kissing. Okay, he’s definitely a good kisser. You embrace tightly, but are still not sure if you should sleep with him. He senses your hesitation, and doesn’t push you for sex.

The next day he calls you and tells you what a wonderful time he had. You go out with him a few more times with him, and spend hot makeout sessions at his place, learning about each other’s bodies. Then, your new love invites you to go away for the weekend at a romantic inn in Napa. Finally, you give in to your overwhelming desire to sleep with him. The sex is mind-blowing and magical, but also tender and sweet. After hours of foreplay and cunnilingus, he enters you powerfully. You lose count of your orgasms and wonder how you could have possibly waited so long. In the soft firelight of your cozy room, he tells you he loves you, and asks you to move in with him. You weep with joy and agree. Six months after you move in together, he proposes. You are ecstatic.

You plan an extravagant wedding with picture-perfect details. You find the perfect wedding dress on sale, and as a result, your whole wedding comes in under budget. You use the extra money to bump up to first-class airfare on your honeymoon in Tahiti. In the bungalow on your wedding night, you hold each other closely. You can’t believe that happiness like this is even possible. “I must be dreaming,” you say to yourself.

And then you wake up, alone in your bed. Your first words of the day echo those you spoke late last night: “Why do I bother?” But you get up, and get online again, hoping for a chance that you might one day have the Perfect Casual Encounter.

You never know.

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Friday, February 10, 2006

Bitchy, Fickle Chicks ..Read This

If you're into:

- wasting my time,
- sending double-messages,
- whining about never getting what you want from me,
- complaining about my drinking and drug use,
- expecting me to be your mommy and fix your life,
- thinking you're the only thing worthwhile in my life,
- using me to carry your heavy bags of groceries that you feel resentful sharing with me,
- telling me you love me then disappearing without an explanation,
- talking shit about me to my/your/anyone's friends,
- ignoring me in public,
- not introducing me to your family,
- guilting me for spending time with my buddies,
- making me listen to your droll monologues about the unbearably boring things in your head
- thinking I can read your mind when you say nothing is wrong and you're crying and won't look at me,
- forgetting my birthday,
- blaming all of your problems on me
- abusing my dog,
- killing my cat,
- kicking me out of my home when I am disabled and broke,
- being a self-rightous, controlling, spoiled victim/princess,
- leaving me for a man,
- ignoring my safe word,
- thinking yours is the only valid perspective,
- flirting with all my friends and lying about it,
- getting lazy in bed after the first two misleading months of our hot relationship
- stealing the gifts you've given to me after you get mad,
- dressing up to go out with your friends and wearing sweatpants and hairy legs when we have a date,
- constantly chattering just to hear your own irritating voice
- calling me someone else's name........................

You are the one for me...coffee?


Source: Jokes and Funny Stories