The road ahead of meh...

Almost a week back, I went to a bank. There on its advertising tv, you see the usual portrait of a young family embasking in total family bliss. A young daddy & a young mummy (all so unbelievably good-looking & can afford condos) playing ard wif their son & daughter (it's always usually 1 boy & 1 girl - nice number & blend of genders) in their well-furnished apartment. Then the scene moves on to them shopping at the supermarket, their happiness being ard with each other beamed evidently on their faces for all the envious to see.

Except dat I wasnt envious. This kinda advertisements make me wanna cry.

~~

I had worked so hard before & achieved wat in my line then cld possibly achieved. I quited to move on to a better prospect.

My marriage got me down & I was distracted & still am lost right now. I hadnt had much education (consider peers of my era) & had been working seriously since a tender age to support my family fr marriage. I am still considered young but time waits for no man (or woman at dat). I am not on track with my career at all & am in constant fear of losing my son & my sanity & peace to DAT GUY.

I have had enuff of wallowing in grief & self-pity.

Like wat I told D, "I am tired of moping ard in da house, heading for nowhere, talking to ppl online who are equally sad if not more so than me. And I dun like to work for my dad."

Surely mediocrecy is not in my blood.. or otherwise? Eh? *confused*

---

有一首歌是这麽唱着：

“如果把自己一生託付在你的手中
对你来说是否算是负担
我不怕未来日子是崎岖还是平坦
只问你的爱坚定吗？”

歌名： 疑问句

歌手：周慧敏

专辑名称：流言

我的人生是你的负担吗？

你的爱不够坚定吗？

---

Hmm... wat can I do now? If it is so hard to be suddenly ahead or even on track, why not take baby steps?

Mopiko for some of the rashes & itches. Put your focus elsewhere (like beautifying urself or take time to enjoy urself) & the tendency to scratch wld be gone.

Wise decision to approach D. Just made an effort to dress up & went out for dinner wif D just now.

Painted my fingernails & toenails (ignore the ugly patch on my foot, it'll go away in time as it had before :X)

Have a direction (like wat D sed) & my baby step directions are: -

1) Settle wat i hv to for Dad
2) Start the ball rolling wif D. 听话，照做。
3) Get the contact fr D to see e alternative lawyer
4) Afterwhich, send the other lawyer the necessary doc (if i decide to go on ahead wif her)
5）Get a date for the theory test for dat Driver's License! *been nudged countless times, time for REAL actions!*
6) Check out Career fair to see if there is any chance of furthering my education even if it seems real bleak to meh atm (in terms of credentials & the amt of time & energy I hv to spare)

~~

Let the truth be known, if childcare biz does not entail meagre pay & high level of commitment, I wld not hesitate to go for it (how lovely it is to play & tell stories to children! I cld apply this at home too!) It is the meagre pay that pinches me & I cannot afford dat.. ouch!

Volunteer work is groovy! But volunteer also means that it wld not pay to clothe & feed you. =.=''

Else occupations of ard this nature.. well u noe.. how much do they pay?

My real interest is in psychology. But how many yrs of dedicated education does it take me to arrive at a position of being able not only to earn my own keeps, but to support myself, son & maid, put food on the table & roof over our heads & to shut off claims that I had been neglecting my son fr my EHTB, before we all starved to death?

Else putting test tubes in the test tube runner to run seems a rather cool idea to meh. Minimal interactions. Less conflicts (oredy bothered wif other aspects of my life), hardly a need to talk eh? Go to work at a certain time in da morning & knock off sharp when time's up. Fixed & short working hours. Tasks so mundane dat you can memorize backwards & perform wif ur eyes closed. After work, watever you do is none of work's biz. Work is work, your life is your life. You cld probably spent quantity & quality time wif ur kid wif less stress & hours at work. But wait a min! Choto choto! How much does this pay???

*Disclaimer: the above is ridiculously tot up & if wat i had described veers sharply off the eclipse of truth, just bear in mind this ~ it's all my imaginations dear..

~~

Watever.. to hell wif bizarre, unpractical tots..

~~

Meanwhile, gotta take off my make-up, contact lens & prolly try on that cool facial mask dat I just bought after bath.

Hmm.. I love baths!

^_^