Share a secret & I'll spill mine too!

The Singapore Women's Weekly ~ April Issue

In the "Share a secret" of this month's issue, the lady talk of marrying a guy 4 yrs her junior. To say truth, after reading the story, I think the whole story had nothing much to do with age or watsoever. It is more due to her husband's own insecurity. They had actually dated for a few yrs b4 they got married and yet after marriage,the husband was no longer showing physical affections towards the lady and even after dragging for weeks before they made love for the first time as a married couple, the most incredulous thing to hear from a husband is, "Why did you have to force me?" (huh??!!!)

Few weeks later, this lady realized she had missed her period and a pregnancy test confirmed that she was going to be a mother.

Then one day this lady came by an sms from the husband's close female colleague saying, "Does this mean we can no longer be more than friends, darling? Don't worry, I understand your situation".

The lady pressed her husband for an explanation and he finally confessed that a month before the wedding, he'd begun having feelings for this colleague but was too afraid to call off the marriage. Then he started wondering whether he was too young for marriage but went ahead anyway to save his parents' faces. Not only that, he had continued his "emotional affair" after their marriage but assured her that he had never had sex with dat woman. He also assured her that since they were expecting a baby now, he'd change and work things out.

They stayed married to each other though not much had changed except for the fact the lady would be due to give birth any day. She asked herself, "How did things end up like this? Does the difference in our ages have a role to play in this tragedy?"

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Frankly speaking, my heart goes out to most of the ladies in "share a secret" issue each month as most of the time, they were the victims.

In this scenario, if this were to happen to me, I would definitely leave the guy. Be it "emotional" or physical affair, it has happened and my guy's heart is no longer ard with me, what is a marriage without love, sharing and closeness? I definitely won't be able to tolerate this kind of marriage. Even if he is "repentent" (or so he may claim), the trust is broken and things would never be the same again. I'd rather leave my man.

To say truth, emotional affair... hmm... I guess my EHTB had one too? Well, he may or may not put his whole heart into it though I sure know he would seek the lady thru' chat whenever he feel lonely or down, but I know definitely the lady has given her heart.

And I knew that lady way before he did. We were once great online friends. She once confronted me whether a certain online nickname is related to me. I denied it because I had never want to mix my real life into the virtual world. Whatsmore, she's probing into a matter which was a real deep pain and conflict in my heart then. I denied totally. Because she came to know my EHTB is my husband and was close with him then (not too sure abt now... cant be bothered with my EHTB's life. We're living separately anyway, he can do as he please but bear in mind this is vice versus as well!), she started avoiding me (I had not even blamed her for it!) It's real sad to lose a close frd liddat. But well, wat to do?

And you think I'd done nothing abt it? When I 1st knew that dat girlfriend of mine was lost and confused due to my EHTB's online character, I had confronted my EHTB abt it. Cos that girlfriend had told me he had vaguely agreed to a meet-up sometime soon. But my EHTB denied it. He also told me they were just online frds and he had not expressed any form of love towards her or watsoever. But that girlfriend told me that this character had even "proposed" to her! At that time, I trust him and put it all down to his younger brother's doing in his virtual world acct. (But now thinking back... a 13 yr-old would not hv been dat capable of swooning a 20+++ lady esp. when it was my brother-in-law. I knew him) Plus, much later, I saw poems which had been once composed for me and new poems for her too! @##@$!#@!^~!

And then I saw smses, of her calling him "Dear" and "baby". My EHTB was so afraid I would check his hp (i think so cos he'd usually check mine though I nvr gave a hoo-ha abt it, must be 心虚...) that he would hide his hp within the hp cover under the pillow, within the pillow-case and under his head!! But I came across his hp anyway. Cos the more so he tried to hide, the more it seems suspicious. She denied any love connotations to that. By then, I had totally confessed in her that the particular online character was my husband but our marriage is totally on the rocks. I had even told her almost my whole story with this jerk of a guy. She must not have known that there are other ppl in my EHTB's phone calling him "honey" and "darling" too! (Well even if she had known, he cld always put it to that the girls threw themselves at him out of adorations; sigh... the way a woman trust in you when she loves you, i really grit my teeth to know how each time a girl is being lead on this way!) She even asked me isn't there any way at all to salvage the marriage? I told her straight, no. To say truth, though I had knew her firsthand, I think she still trust my EHTB much more rather than me. She was extremely wary of me but I had not even done no crime! Thanks to a chatlog I came across btw my EHTB and her so I know fully well wat she thinks of me (and that chatlog was recorded after the confession to her that yes, that particular idiot online character was my husband and no thank you for ur well-meaning, I hv no intention to patch up with him or watsoever) Well... watever... sad to evolve to this stage though. I dun mind being good frd with her still, if only we cld get over the past and embarassment is no issue to me cos I dun mind at all unless she does. It's all a big misunderstanding anyway. No evil intentions. (Am not capable of taking over da world anyway xD)

Either way, that guy is doomed to be outta my life. Regardless of wat he msg:

Sms reads:

Dear honey, after

all these months of

being apart, I wanna

let you know that I

truly missed you

much. I really hope

you could

reconsider of a

reconciliation. This

feeling. . . i cant

take it anymore. I

love you. Your

Faithfully, hubby.

6.20pm 23/3/06

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I had just chatted to another online frd of mine on Friday nite. She asked yet again, "Cannot salvage meh?"

I told her, even when there was this one time after delivering our kid to school and we were walking away from school together, he had asked me, "Shall we have a drink at the hawkers?"

I had turned him down. No, I do not want to be with him even for a drink of water. Full stop. I am not prepared to give him any chance.

“你怕你心软是吗？”

After I hang up the phone, this got me thinking. 我会心软吗？不可以！这会重蹈覆辙，这太可怕了！

I had told this frd of mine abt the nightmare I had arguing with my EHTB in my dream dat morning. Even the argument in my dream was hurtful enuff for me to warrant a divorce! I rmbed thinking of rounding up witnesses to help me in my divorce in my dream! :O

The next morning, I dreamt of him again. He was in a car with me or something. Cant quite rmb da details. Nooooooooo!!

Please dear Mr dream god, spare me of him. I beg you, plssssssss?

I had cried way too much. He is just not worth it. Pls at least eliminate him outta my dreams. I nid my beauty sleep.

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Legend:

In case if you had not read my previous posts and dun unstand wat EHTB means. It means this.

EHTB = ExHusband-To-be

Thank you for your interest in my blog.