To life, with apathy

Maybe it's the trauma. Of all what I've been thru before. I'm too scared to try in case I fall again. So much so that I dun wanna risk myself. AT ALL. So much so that even a damp, stuffy, mouldy unhealthy shell I'm withdrawing into seems a better place than anywhere else, that I wld be contented to idle the rest of my days there. In reality it's not of cos. But how cld I make myself hv any zest for life at all? How so when I'm looking at all those "good things in life" with apathy? Why dun they move me?

Peace. Afterall I've been thru I seek nth but peace. That's not asking for a lot aint it? What are the conflicting messages within me? Why can't I hv the world? What is still unresolved? I need to find out.