Are You Making Use of Meh All Along?

Opened da letter-box again today after sending my boy to school at my old residence where a "happy" (I used to think so) family of three and a maid used to live together.

Hmm... some letters... letters for him... one of the headings of an envelope signalled a debt pursuer's co. Well, aint da first time receiving em anyway...

But it got me thinking. Esp. his smses of profession of love these days... increasing in frequency ea time... declaring and hinting his wish to get back together...

*frowns* Come to think of it, are you using me all along?

*Shudders* Seven long years, mind you bro... Is that all you have to offer to me up even to this point now? You're really sinister you know...

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天啊！This blog is getting to be like a 怨妇's blog! Consisting of nothing but 怨 for her EHTB :S Guess have been cooping myself up too much...

But going out means spending $$ & time which neither do I hv much. And you cant expect your friends to blanjah all da time... if I hv dat many friends to go out on ea dif day that is.

My prob is unique here. Years back, my EHTB always frown whenever I am on da phone with any of my friends, be it male or FEMALE... I stopped contacting em gradually also due to the hectic hours demanded fr my work. Friends of same age then are still busy studying (and their topics would be like "how's ur study trip to Aust?", "gotten ur master degree oredy?" & "attachment work damn stress hor?" etc when all I've got is just plain "O" levels. T.T Feel really out of place ard em) My colleagues are mostly much older than me else the young ones are into the chiong lifestyle; i.e go karaoke, clubbing, spas, beauty salons, branded goods shopping and most of em smoke (I dun). I'm not into shopping, am not leading a tai tai lifestyle so quit asking me abt wat brands, wat latest designs and stuffs. Dun hv e xtra to splurge on stuffs like these =.='' Those dat I've managed to connect with are those wif kids ard my kid's age. We discuss a lot of kids' issues and they are like minimum 5 - 10 or more years older than me. Aunties are always nice to me though =). But other than that, they are just chatty colleagues I hv at work, we dun go out (I was busy scrimping $$ to go out then too!) I cldnt tell my dad my probs too lest he worry (there's nothing much he cld do anyway) and he is not one who is that patient to hear you out too. My relatives? Nah... the ones I like live too far away (in Msia) and dun wanna trouble them & anyway, it'll all go back to my dad. My colleagues? I do grumble on & off to em but they noe not da full details cos I was still helping HIM to save face then. Cldnt bear it if they talk bad abt him in frt of me while I work (even though he is dat bad). To state da facts, my colleagues were even helping to analyse then for me how my shift wld work out shd I divorce him. I didn't even realize I need a divorce then! I was then only 21! Btw, my colleagues bought me a cake on top of the usual gift for my 21st birthday (am really touched), which they suggest I take home to share with my husband after eating almost half of it. I dun even rmb what my EHTB did for me on my 21st... dat pathetic! Did I buy my own bdae cake afterwards? Maybe he did buy a small one ~ using my own $$ lor.. wat else u expect?

Now peers of my age hv graduated (lost touch with most of them anyway) but busy 谈恋爱 or climbing the corporate ladder. I also feel pai seh to confide in them my own marital woes, lest I undermine their confidence. Or rather, I wasn't willing to open up then to them because I was still trying to save his face... now I dun care! Haha! Just sms 3 frds and update them simply on my current situation now. Maybe meet up from there and hopefully this blog will hv events more interesting than my 怨气 abt him even though it's a good avenue for me to release out all my frustrations here. Still hv yet to fix up the next appt wif my counsellor.

I know one way of going out and getting free drinks and lunches! Going out wif those buayas lor =.='' but that aint my cuppa tea... unless if there is business interest! Hmm... going back to my lifeplanning line soon... insurance for you =) ?

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I am a woman, hear me roar!

Well, I do purr when within the embrace of my lover... xD

Nay... no lover at da moment though. Am as good as single now though I come attached with marriage cert still. Hv yet to dissolve my marriage, not dat I m hesitant, just dat some proceedings are taking their own sweet time which are out of my control and boundaries.

Not interested in flings or ons =.='' A little tease of flirtatious exchange of words is fine, does wonders for ur ego, I dun mind dat, but must be done wif finesse. Else it'll come off as cheesy as this pick up line, "Want a bang?"

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Wa ha ha!

(laughter signifying exasperations)