My baby boy, my m'sian relatives...

I had another dream today...

I dreamt of my m'sian relatives (those on my mother's side). I dreamt of my son but in this dream he was less than a year old. I carried him & he was so light. I think prolly its becos of carrying my friend's 2 yr old daughter only few days before that influenced me to dream of my boy this way.

My boy's got himself a plate of freshly cut apples. I told him to wash his hands before eating but my instructions seems to hv fallen on deaf ears. As he was running towards to climb up the stairs (influenced by my dad's house?), I came to him & toppled over the plate of fruits he was holding. I told him: no wash hands, cannot eat fruits. I was disciplining him in my dream.

Ah Ong uncle came over or something & then, he was carrying my boy & playing with him somewhere...

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I fanthom it must hv been the scare last night I hv had to cause me to hv this dream.

At abt 8pm yesterday, my maid called up my ehtb's place of residence. She asked for my child becos he had been with my ehtb since Monday evening. His step-father picked up the phone & said crudely & impatiently, "He's not around. He's not around. Got big prob here!" With that, he hung up on my maid!

My maid informed me while I was still wolfing down my dinner. I break away fr my meal & sat beside my maid as she called the place again but this time asking for my ehtb. It was my ehtb's youngest bro this time who pick up the phone. His voice was very soft & quiet according to my maid. My maid asked where my ehtb was. He told her that my son & him went out early in the morning & had not been back since and he doesnt know where they went. Now, my ehtb's phoneline's been terminated & with wat his step-father had just said, how cld I not worry? As it was, I could not contact my ehtb at all again in a different fashion yesterday :S

Finally I heaved a sigh of relief as he msg me at abt 11.30pm to say he wld return my son back to me on the upcoming Thurs & that he wld confirm the time wif me on the day before on Wed itself. He told me that this was a temp number he was using for his hp...

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日有所思，夜有所梦？

Prolly is my dream telling me that I miss my son & my helpful & resourceful relatives in Malaysia?

T.T

Worries, fears... am I worrying for nth? But there were the things that had happened which I cld not believe my eyes & ears... I am in constant look-outs so as to prevent undesirable happenings. I may not be the greatest mother. I may not be able to profess my love the way my child likes me to. But at the very least, I do make sure my boy's basic necessities are met. I dun want any untowards things to happen to him. I have witnessed how my ehtb's family was like & I know my ehtb's lack of communication even on matters that warrant attention. I wish I cld tell myself not to worry since I'm so far away fr em, dunno where they are, cant do anything abt it & cant contact my ehtb too. But I am so very afraid of any bombshell that may land on me like wat I've experienced b4. Once bitten, twice shy. Whatsmore, I've been bitten more than once. I am very tired too :'(

Counsellor says: Do not feel guilty.

Hiaz... 无奈？