It wasnt a fickle decision...

I specifically chose you over the many rest i hv dated.

(as much as i've said i dun wanna think abt u anymore, i wanna blog these down before i might just completely forget abt all that's happened in my future. For beneathe these may lie the very roots to clearing up a misunderstanding or unresolved issues if we ever come round to them in future, who knows?)

God knows how many i've dated within such short span of time. OMGosh. Wld nvr hv imagined myself going out with so many dif guys had it been the past me. But i hv.

You know, you arent like some who wld insist on sending me all the way home to ensure my safety. Esp when you long had the knowledge that the place i live in is rather secluded & dark whereas the others dun even hv an inkling.

You didnt prepare your jacket to cover me when we watch a movie. It had never cross your mind that i might be very cold. You've not even ask me that question before. As much as you had that initial attraction to me, you did none of those above i've mentioned. Perhaps you were being polite. Perhaps you were being proper. But i had a very proper gentleman who had actually prepared his jacket along and loan it to me to cover myself w/o offending my modesty. There was another brash guy that i went out with. Even he had tot i wld be cold in a cinema & he brought along his jacket as well. He got me some hot drink in the middle of the show too.

Yes, we've had many superficial conversations. I had tot i was the only one feeling so. So u've felt it too as well. But wat have you done to ensure we cross that boundary of superficiality? Right, maybe it's also my part to play & i had failed. i had failed to communicate & open up myself to u. Or rather, i had failed to tune in to your frequency. The frequency that you tot i wld ustand but i had failed & disappointed you immeasurably.

Are u afraid to touch me? Perhaps you feel that it wasnt appropriate. Even when i was narrating some very deep past and painful stories of mine, time to time. The act of coming over to touch my hand or to give me a hug wld definitely help me in opening up to you more. It wld hv encouraged me that i cld share more of myself with you. Right. Perhaps you werent sure whether u wld offend me. Perhaps you're afraid you might make me feel obliged to like you in return and that is not wat u want. Perhaps you're afraid the act of touch might overwhelm you convulsively that you'd lose all shreds of logic over whether you're taking the right path in love or not. You are not sure whether i'm the right one for you & fear that i might just hv the magnitude to break your heart even more than a million pieces more than how ur prev r/s' affected u.

Maybe you need time to cool down. You need this distance. But maybe i need to see more actions. More courageous initiatives on your part. Maybe it's all wrong timing. Maybe there are many traits in me that deem me unsuitable for you & u saw all that. But maybe it's all a misunderstanding, a facade. Or maybe my good points wld more than made up for all those undesirable traits. Millions of maybes.

I wanna try it out, ride it out with you. But u withdrew.

Nothing's ever begun yet.

Will it even begin at all?

Right now, there's still this huge pregnant pause between us. I dunno when it will come to an end. Meanwhile, life goes on for me, for better or worst. Maybe we'll forget ea other as time goes by since i've the feeling you dun react favourably to my reach-outs. The feeling of ea other's importance may fade with time. I've done wat i cld to stretch out to touch you. Maybe that's exactly wat u want. Let time lighten and wash off ea other's footprints in our hearts. i've a feeling you're holding much more tots in your mind than u wld care to reveal to me. I'm only guessing now becos i dunno that part of you that is thinking to your own self. That part that perhaps u refuse to share with anyone else even. Not even ur closest buddies.

I've let you down in your unspoken circle of trust. i didnt know that. Maybe i've come on too strongly for your liking and hv turned you off.

And you've retracted yourself back to your reticent shell.

Maybe from now forth, only i will see that reticent shell. I've been banished to the cold palace of your harem.

If you dun wish to see me, so be it. I respect your wishes. Always so. If u wld kindly let me know.

As much as you've felt you cant penetrate my true mind, ditto for me too.

A friend's analysed for me:

1) not the right time yet or simply wrong timing
2) me coming on too strong
3) we need to have arguments to get things off our chest
4) we are of completely dif frequencies

Which of the above do u think apply to us?