The Next Picture Perfect.

Judging by the ultra down state I m in now, a little positive imagery wouldn't hurt.

Though it seems like nothing much can move me these days.

Am still standing foolishly in front of the furnace while my skin melts away. No one would be there to pull me off anyway. Not that I whined for anyone. It's like no one cares enough and I dun care too.

Well, well. Let's just kick start this topic won't we? It's amazing enuff that I'd managed to in key these words already. Currently.

Well, had escaped fr my 1st home away from all that parental & relatives' expectations only to land myself into a not so rosy marriage (no roses involved) which wasted me 7 years of my youth (coming 8 years). Had a child with him & ironically, at the moment seeking refuge from the very person I've been trying to break away from. My self-esteem has plummeted to zero point overnight & has not recovered since for the past two years. I feel like a zombie. In front of him (another him), it was as if my feelings dun matter any more than what I can do for him (which funnily enough, became my resentment to cause me the INCAPACITY to perform for him at all). I am like a body without a soul for these past months since the last straw (when the routine of fetching me to work was broken without a word).

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Kk, back to picture perfect.

Well, I've been married. Going thru' the goddamn process of divorce currently which is taking its own sweet time. Have officially lived apart from him since last year Oct end (9 months). Armed with only high school education since I've given up the pursue of further education in order to marry & support my new family that I've formed. So to be realistic, my picture perfect would not involved me attaining my masters by 26, or finding that perfect other half to go thru' a simple yet cosy wedding ceremonial of my choice (I had not much of a choice during that period of time & had no studio photos taken for my wedding; didn't feel particularly excited going thru my wedding but rather a process to complete - me think).

So my picture perfect would now involve myself, my son & my career. A home. =) I'd always wanted a complete home except this time, a man is out of the picture, that's all.

This is wat I envisage:

A neat, clean, elegant & airy 4-room flat. The living room has a nice flat plasma tv, 2 couches to curl up upon, a coffee table (dunno wat u call it) and is accessible by all in the family (namely my son, me & the maid). My son has finished his homework & is now watching the channel 8 drama which in turns help him improve his Chinese language. I have just arrived home from work & have gotten some necessary things for the household plus some little gifts for the family. The maid is cleaning up the table cos dinner time is over & has cut some fruits. I turned to hug & kiss my son to ask how his day was. Upon which, my maid's came out from the kitchen to place the freshly cut plate of fruits on the table. I asked her if everything had been alright throughout the day I was not home and she updated me accordingly. My son has suggested us to play a board game so all three of us gets ourselves involved in it while watching tv at the same time together, altogether...

Updated 03/08/06: My son, me & my maid will have our own personal room ea. In case of guest staying overnight, my maid will be emptying out her room for guest to stay (her room will also be furnished elegantly with all the necessities (: ) while she will move in to sleep with me. I will hv a personal computer and a tv in my own room. My son will also have his own personal comp (to be placed either in his room or a designated area in living room). He can do his homework on our dining table while watching tv if he wants to. I will have a family car for the ease of fetching my child and maid to wherever we want to go. The car will also come in handy when we go to the grocery store for our weekly groceries purchase. The boot of the car will be able to fit in many of the bulky items we've got & saves us the energy to carry them home on sheer human efforts. The car will have my child's favorite toys and a mini tv for all to enjoy. There will be mini pillows at my back car seats for ppl to use in case if they shd feel tired and need one to prop up their heads with.