I WATCH "CLICK" YESTERDAY NITE

As usual, Adam Sandler was funneh... the only difference was, it's the 1st time in many months tt I've watch a movie with a guy I hardly knew. Met him for the 1st time. Well, he's not repulsive to say truth. But he aint tt gentlemanly either.

And as if repeating a scene fr my teen youth 8 years plus back, this guy comment on how I looked when I was watching the movie. "You looked sad when Adam's dad died," He observed.

Perhaps I've not been out enough with guys watching movies to have them commenting on how I looked & felt while watching certain scenes but that remark was enough to trigger the memory back then when another guy'd told me, "You looked scared when the monster jumped out" That was during the time when I had watch "Horizon" with him. I was 18. He was a colleague when we were both holding a temporary position as a flyer distributor at an aviation event. I still rmb he was 25 then, drove a car, wore specs and just balding ever so slightly near his forehead. He told me tt he was in a poly taking up some kinda chemistry eng course even though he was holding down a full time job then as well. Somehow or rather, I was turned off by tt remark of his. It was as if I was disgusted he had observed me without me being aware & cooly analysing me without my permission. Hence when he called me up at my home, I avoided him by telling him I wldnt be free to go out with him again (I was turned off & scared he wld asked me out!) & then I asked my bros not to tell him I was home! I avoided his call a few times & I guess he'd finally got the cue to stop calling.

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And today, when everyone's left the office at about 7pm plus, I am still here at time of typing this line at 11.41pm. Wasnt able to get anymore people to come out meet me up this evening as part of my job to try get prospects & yet dun feel like wanting to go home to eat my dinner there. Eating dinner out there by myself seems an unbearable idea too, so am still here. In fact some mins before this, I felt so bad that tears were streaming down my face & my heart ached. I wished there wld be someone tt wld ustand me. Know my loneliness & pain. I wld I cld just throw myself into someone to seek warmth but am no loose woman to just find anyone... not even tt guy fr last night even if he look decent. So this pain.. am feeling it all by myself.

A fren offered to call though & he did. He was much better than an online pal I had known over a year & a half. Tt online pal just talked nonsensical stuff to me again when I prompted him to speak *like I hv to nudge him twice in order for him to respond* sigh... =.=''

Well.. am much calmer now though the desire NOT to go home has yet to subside. I guess in a way, tt fren who called was right. Perhaps it was some memory.. though not of my ehtb tt was evoked to made me feel bad right now. Well at 12.03am (a new day already), am still in the office typing away. Actually, to be able to type up a blog wld means I m very much ok cos its a lot of effort too to put that dreaded feeling u're feeling into words. And if ur already feeling dread, you'd dread to do anything else...

I shd be fine =) Hehe.. still surviving..